《 快樂的旅程 This is A Happy Moment: A personal journey 》

快樂的旅程 – Jules Ong
最近從我的一位天主教的好友認識了一行禪師的入世佛教。
她問我: “你要不要跟我一起參加一天的禪修營?” 我回答她“好啊 為什麼不”
那是去年十一月梅村的僧眾來到馬來西亞的事了。從那時開始，就像蜜蜂自然撲向花般，我深深的被梅村的禪修法門吸引。
我在泰國小乘佛教生長環境裡長大，我的父母都是佛教徒，但我的父親在年老的時候成為了基督教徒。二十幾年來我的母親都是一位虔誠的內觀禪修者。至於我卻尋尋覓覓了很久一段時間。

成長期間所學到的小乘佛教讓我學到要當個獨立及凡事要靠自己的人。”除了自己沒有任何人可以拯救自己，沒有人有這個能力，也沒有人可以。這是一條我們自己必須走的路，佛陀只能指出給我們方向。” 我們小時候唱的歌裡的歌詞就是這麼說的。
我們學到佛教的基本教條就是在這個凡事都依賴條件的世間，生命是苦的 －這是第一聖諦。苦的來源 －第二聖諦。我們是可以止苦的－第三聖諦。最後是止苦的方法－也就是第四聖諦。

禪修被強調為脫離苦海的唯一途徑。藉由內觀(Vipassana)禪修者可因此洞悉苦、無常與無我。要有這樣的洞悉才能證悟。
在我二十幾歲的時候，我與我的宗教信仰慢慢變疏遠了，一部份是因為當時我參與許多社會以及環保的運動。這些活動變成我的一部份。
我認識的佛教無法幫助我往我要的方向前進，因為佛教教人要捨棄，而我卻熱衷於生活在這娑婆世界裡，品嘗它一切的美醜、苦樂。但我的宗教要我捨棄娑婆世界。當時我是個女性主義者，我那時覺得我認識的佛教沒有主張兩性平等，反而重新製造與佛陀制定教法相道而馳的權力等級制度－兩千五百多年以前他給男眾並且女眾加入僧團的自由。而今天泰國及馬來西亞的小乘佛教卻反對女眾成為僧眾，與比丘有相同的地位。

很多年我一直想要把我做的事與我的靈性做連結。也是說我想過一種靈性生活是不與我認為對於我生命有意義的事情有抵觸的。我也在找尋生命的答案－每件事背後的智慧。換句話說我在尋找神。當我發現了一行禪師的入世佛教，我找到了我一直在尋找的親切感。
一行禪師的教法與修行法門把個人與社會，甚至是我們所居住的地球做連結。在吃飯之前所做的正念觀想教導一個人要以負責的態度進食來減低所有有情眾生的痛苦以及停止全球暖化。

上個月我於泰國與六十位僧眾及五百多位在家眾參加了”現在就是個快樂的一刻”五日禪修營，練習日常中保持正念。與不同年紀的人一起修行非常快樂，每個人都有截然不同的起頭。比丘和比丘尼與在家眾就像好朋友般互動，簡單而溫馨。比丘和比丘尼都穿著類似的僧服，我並不覺得他們之間有階層的分隔。他們有平等的身份，也有一樣的能力能夠給予教導，帶領祈禱以及講經。

進餐之前我們會做以下的禱告:
“願我以正念進食，好讓我們值得受用這些食物”
同樣的道理，現在我會做這個禱告:
“願我以正念活著，好讓我值得這個生命”
這可以稱作是我對宇宙、宇宙的來源、佛陀及神的謙卑的祈禱。

透過每日保持正念與覺知的練習，我與我所做的一切做連結，我對人類及地球的服務，和我對神的渴望成為我的生命的見證，給予我方向。佛陀並沒有否定神的存在，也沒有談太多到這個部份。我的感覺是這也沒有關係，這是屬於個人的旅程及發現。

我與一位在尋找自己能共修的僧團的回教徒參加了一個禪修營。她精進的修行激發了我。我們一起專注行走和進餐總能讓我心中感到祥和。在馬來西亞，我們擁有能夠與不同宗教信仰的人一起分享這樣的練習的殊榮。我的僧團裡現在有天主教徒，回教徒，其中一位是無神論者，越來越多來自不同背景的人持續的加入中。

從練習中我也能夠看到我信仰的小乘佛教的價值。內觀冥想與正念的修持是非常像的，但確是比較劇烈的方法－有時需要坐到好幾個小時。其實我還是需要坐至少半小時才能夠深入看到自己的心。看到念頭跟情緒是如何像任何一件事，它會來但也會去。

我能與其它參加禪營的人一起分享把所學的實踐於日常生活的喜悅，擔憂和挑戰。在一次Brother Dhamma Joy的佛法討論中，有一位男眾分享了他總會餵給他最喜愛的寵物魚吃生魚苗，但現在受過第一種正念訓練 －對生命的尊重，他的心情變的很複雜。另一位女眾說她從事廣告業，工作也許會違背了第五種正念訓練－滋潤與療癒。她說廣告業就是推廣消費，那樣會不會與該做有益的滋潤的訓練有所牴觸?

我感謝他們如此真誠的分享。我在佛教圈的經驗裡，我們一直被給予一個安全並被尊重的環境讓我們可以探討佛法修持如何與我們嗜好，工作及日常生活有所關聯。而答案並不是要捨棄這世界，而是學會接受像我一樣想要在今天這個複雜的世界裡想秉持愛與和平為生活態度的人會面臨到的種種艱辛。

五天以來，每日練習正念修持，一路上受到慈悲且充滿喜悅的僧眾及上百位在家眾的協助支持，回到吉隆坡後我的生活就像是被一股力量注入般，雖然那些蛻變的情緒都還在，猴子般的心也還在。不同的是在它耗盡我之前就能覺知到它的存在。我會停下來，等一回，呼吸然後微笑。有時候我會成功但有時我會失敗。但這沒關係。每一個細微的努力都是珍貴的－我的心總是會被溫柔並充滿著愛領導回家。

我學習到只有活在當下，我們才是真正的活著。珍惜生命這份禮物，才值得這個人生。誠如師父所說，期許到人生的最後我們能對自己說:”我過了有意義的人生” 這一切從現在開始，先了解當下就是個快樂的一刻。

This is A Happy Moment: A personal journey

by Jules Ong (Dhamma name: Faithful Determination of the Heart)

I was recently introduced to Thich Nath Hanh's engaged Buddhism by a dear Catholic friend.

"Would you like to join me for a one-day mindfulness retreat?" she asked me. "Why not", I said.

That was last November when the nuns and monks from Plum Village came to Malaysia. Since then, I've been drawn to the Plum Village practice like a bee to flowers.

I was raised in the Theravadan Thai Buddhist tradition. Both my parents were Buddhist, but my father converted to Christianity later in his years. My mother has been a devout practitioner of Vipassana meditation for over 20 years, and I was... drifting and searching for awhile.

The Theravadan Buddhism I learned growing up instilled in me a strong sense of independence and self-reliance. "No one saves us but ourselves, no one can and no one may, we ourselves must walk the path, Buddhas merely show the way." That was a song we sang as children.

We learned the basis of Buddhism, that in this conditioned world, Life is Suffering - the first Noble Truth. The origin of suffering - the Second Noble Truth; the way to end suffering is attainable - the Third Noble Truth, and finally, the Path to end suffering - The Fourth Noble Truth.

There was a strong emphasis on meditation as the only way to cross the Ocean of Samsara - it is through Insight meditation or Vipassana that one can recognize Dukkha, Anicca and Anatta (Suffering, Impermanence and Non-Self) and it is only with that insight that one can attain Enlightenment.

In my 20s, I grew distant from my religious tradition partly because I was involved with many social and environmental causes. I was discovering myself as a social identity not separate from the movements that were taking shape around me.

The Buddhism I knew could not help me in the direction I had chosen to take - because it was a religion of renunciation, and I have thrown myself headlong into living the world with all its beauty and ugliness, its pain and pleasures. I was embracing Samsara, but my religion asked me to renounce Samsara. I was a feminist and I felt that the Buddhism I knew did not address gender equality, but in fact was reproducing hierachies of power that did not follow what the Buddha initiated - he gave women and men the freedom to join the monastic order more than 2,500 years ago. Whereas today, the Thai-Malaysian Theravadan tradition is resistant to women joining the monastic order that is of equal status to male monks.

For many years, I was looking for a connection between the things I was doing and my spiritual self. In other words, I was looking for a spirituality that would not negate the things that hold meaning to my life. And I was also seeking answers to the existential question of life - the wisdom behind everything. In other words, I was seeking God.

When I discovered Thich Nath Hanh's engaged Buddhism, I felt a vibrating affinity to all that I was seeking.

The teachings and practices connect individual effort to the larger society and to the earth we live in. The Mindfulness Contemplations we do before eating, instructs that one should eat responsibly to reduce the suffering of all living creatures and to reverse global warming. It puts the individual in the nexus of society and environment and gives agency to the individual - that every breath we take, and every step we make matters because it reverberates and affects all simply because we are all interconnected.

Last month, I practiced daily mindfulness with 60 monastics and more than 500 lay people at the "This is a Happy Moment" 5-day Mindfulness Retreat in Bangkok. What a joy to practice together with the old, the young and the very young, everyone with very different starting points. The monks and nuns engaged with laypeople like dear friends, so simple and loving. Male and female monastics wore similar robes and I don't detect any hierarchy between them. They were equal in status and equal in their capacity to offer guidance, lead prayers and give sermons.

Before we ate, we would say a silent prayer:

"May I eat mindfully, so as to be worthy of this food."

In a similar vein, I now say this prayer:

"May I live mindfully, so as to be worthy of this life."

This is my humble prayer to the universe, to the Source, to Buddha, to God, if you like.

Through the practise of daily mindfulness, of being present, I connect my doing, my serving people and earth, and my yearning for God to bear witness to my life, to be my guide and my reason. Buddha did not negate God's existence, neither did he talk much about it. And I think it doesn't really matter. It is one's personal journey and discovery.

I went to the retreat with a Muslim friend who was looking for her own Sangha. Her diligent practice motivated me. I find peace and solace walking mindfully and eating in mindfulness together. In Malaysia, we have the privilege of sharing this practise with people of different faiths. My Sangha now include Catholics, Muslims and an atheist and is still widening.

Practising, I am also able to look at the value of my Theravadan background. Vippassana meditation is very similar to the mindful practice, though a more intense version - sometimes involving hours of sitting. In fact, I still need at least half hour of sitting to look at the mind deeply. To see how thoughts and emotions arise, and pass away, just like everything else, if you let it.

For others at the retreat, I am able to share with them their joys, concerns and challenges of putting what they had learned into daily practice. At the Dhamma Discussion session with Brother Dhamma Joy, one man says that he has a favourite pet fish whom he feeds with life fries, but now, he has mixed feelings about doing that having undertaken the 1st Mindfulness Training - Reverence for Life. Another woman says that being in the advertising industry, she feels that it might contradict her 5th Mindfulness Training on Nourishment and Healing. Advertising, she says, is to promote consumerism, and would that contradict the training of wholesome nourishment?

I appreciated this honest sharing as for the first time, in my experience within the Buddhist circle, we are provided with a safe and respectful space to discuss the relevance of Buddhist practises in our hobbies, our livelihood, our daily lives. And the answer is not one of renouncing the world, but to accept the intricacies and struggles of ordinary people like me in trying to walk the path of love and peace in today's complex world.

After spending five days in daily mindfulness with the support of the gentle and joyful monastics and hundreds of laypeople, I felt a palpable energy that is brought back to my daily living in Kuala Lumpur. The changing emotions are still all there, and the monkey mind, it is still there. What is different is that I catch it earlier before it consumes me. I stop, and wait, breathe and smile, and sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. But it is okay. Every little effort is precious - guiding the mind back home gently and lovingly.

I'm learning that it is only by living in the present, that we are able to live fully, to value the gift of life and to be worthy of living it. As Thay says, at the end of it, you would want to be able to say: "I have lived a life." And it starts right now, to recognize that This indeed, is a Happy Moment.

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